The Why

I think The Why is the most interesting of all the questions I’m answering on this site because it delves into the psychology of this journey. I’m a firm believer that mental strength and confidence plays a larger factor in pitching than in most positions in other sports. Pitching is rarely against a batter. At its root, it’s a competition with yourself; a struggle to get body and mind working as a singular, cohesive unit.

Can I make this pitch? Can I throw it where I want to? Do I trust my stuff? Do I have any idea where the ball is going once I release it? Can I replicate my mechanics over and over again?

The answer to The Why is actually two-fold: one, why am I, long past the time where I would be considered a legitimate prospect, trying to make my first foray into the world of professional baseball? And two, why am I willing to document my journey to the independent leagues on the web where my successes and failures will be displayed, theoretically, for the world to see?

I’ll answer the former first. At its root, I am attempting to realize this dream solely to see if I’m actually good enough to play professional baseball. I’ve had enough success in the last few years to legitimately have a shot at doing this and not be a complete fool for trying.

That being said, I can one hundred percent guarantee this would not be happening if I was right-handed. As I’ve stated before, left-handed pitchers are a special breed. I wouldn’t even bother with this quest if I was a righty; I don’t throw nearly hard enough to differentiate myself from anyone else.

However, being left-handed, I have a built-in advantage and enough stuff that I believe some team, somewhere will be willing to take a chance on me (kind of like the ABBA song).

So, why pursue this dream now? Besides the curiosity of wanting to know if I have the talent or ability to hack it, I need to go after my shot now because this is my last opportunity to pursue something like this. In a fortuitous confluence of events, this is the only summer where I have the means, the preparation and travel time, and the support system in place to go after my dream with everything I have.

Why do it in the first place? Why not just be happy with playing high calibre baseball here in Ontario and take solace in the knowledge that I was one of the top pitchers in the province last summer?

Because I don’t want to be forty years old with a beer gut waxing poetic about how great I was back in my prime. How I could have been someone in the game if only I would have had a shot. I don’t want to have any regrets.  

I’m not scared of failing or not reaching my dream. I’m only scared of not trying. I want this experience to remove any doubts from my mind that I could have made it somewhere if only I would have worked a little harder or been noticed by the right people. I am busting my ass to make this dream a reality and, at the end of the day, if it’s not good enough, then so be it.

I don’t want to place blame or point fingers at people saying they’re the reason why I never made it or they’re the reason I never had a chance. This is all on my shoulders. I am in control of my own destiny and that’s the way I want to do it. No excuses. I’ve been knocked down before and I’ll be knocked down again. But I will continue getting up until I hear that bell, signalling the end of the fight.

I’ve been asked by a number of people why I would subject myself to public scrutiny by detailing my efforts on this website. Why am I making this journey public? One word: accountability.

I could have easily hatched this plan in my mind months ago and never told a soul. I could have started training for it under the guise of preparations for another season of Senior Rep Baseball in Ontario. Then I could have aborted the idea if I was struck with a sudden case of nerves, or a lack of confidence, or just plain old lacked the grapefruits to make the trek down south and see if I have what it takes to pitch at the next level.

I would have made some excuse as to why this journey wasn’t feasible, admonished myself for chasing the faintest wisp of a dream, and snapped back to reality always wondering ‘What if?’ Then, in fifteen years, I’d be forty with that beer gut and that ‘What if?” gnawing at the back of my brain like a pack of termites tearing through a picnic table.

With the website, I have to go through with this quest; otherwise I end up looking like a coward. This blog is the fire I need to keep going, to keep pushing forward when I don’t want to train or I don’t want to throw.

So there you have it. I have answered all of the pertinent questions associated with my dream of playing professional baseball. Now it’s time to make that dream a reality.